Monthly Archives: April 2011

In Tears I am…

In tears this I do believe

In tears I listen and receive

In tears I am…

In tears I release to help me in someway set free

I hear these words that you say to me

In tears I am…

I know these words that you say so true are words from the heart of your heart too

I feel the vibe from within as I sit back and quietly receive and listen

with no response right now to share

I have to just hold to your words to feel a bit more near

In tears I am…

feeling like a sinking ship sailing in the rough waters I sail

In search of an open pathway for me to break me out of the twisted tides of this open sea

every breaking opening I see I think may guide me out to you I take a glance to get me there and lose my way somehow again

In tears I am… loosing sight of the light I had

paths changing as I search for the way

In tears I am…

I can not meet the way

confusion setting in and depression has taken way

 questions unasked in fear of answers and truths

hopes hindered in the lost way

love still hanging on with no real understandings of reasonings

In tears I seek all things that I believe and I know

In tears I still search with hope of us being

in tears I hold tight to these dreams

sometimes with short a flame

but still burning strong, wild and free

In tears I want us to be free for life

but there are so many things trying to block us of the sights

In tears I sit and think day and night keeping lit my growing light

In tears is where I remain most recent in life

in tears is where I am…

  in tears is where I am

In tears yet still believing in a hope and love for tomorrow

I will stay here until then

then when you may see the light within my view

I shall go nowhere and not lose sight

In tears I will remain until time that we see the same

In tears I am…

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Posted by on April 13, 2011 in Uncategorized


Once And Only Then…

Once and only then…

Knowing in my entirety that I have your heart is not my worry in time

Once and only then…

I want one’s whole self and not just one’s heart

I want you here

I want to feel your touch

Once and only then… I want to feel…

I want to embrace you in love like that of a giant teddy bear

I want to feel your arms around my sides holding me tight

without you I am nothing inside

Once and only then…

I want to feel secure in knowing that this is not just a fantasy in life or just a dream

I know inside our love is real

but I still yearn and do not have the grasp on it

I know it is real

but it is not here

love so true would not go on so long

but love so real should be together everyday

we have not even seen even one day

my heart is crying for you as my soul is still burning just one single flame

Once I have your entire self and not just one’s heart

that is when my soul may then lye in rest

Once and only then will I settle within my mind

Once and only then will I settle and find a peace and relief

once and only then will our true love fully begin

Once and only then… once and only then will my life finally truly begin

once and only then…

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Posted by on April 12, 2011 in Uncategorized


Just Because I Love You

I stay awake at night after the kids go to bed just to be able to vent and say once throughout the day that I love you
Others may say i dont care who you are your not taking away from my sleep time and maybe that’s so but not for me I just want to express my true self to you as I feel You ask but why when you need sleep…just because I love you and I want to say I love you as I want just because I love you

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Posted by on April 12, 2011 in Uncategorized


The Wind

I ask  where are you

and get a silent response

still not even knowing where you really are

though this message was not from tonight it filled the void to ease the mind

I can not whisper loud enough tonight for you to hear me in the wind I guess

you ask was it the wind when you know within your soul that the wind it was not

but somehow you heard the whisper than that was spoken within the wind

so why can you not hear my voice tonight when I call out loud in this silence

I can’t raise my voice over the silence too much for we both know I will wake the kids

you need to look within your reach of your heart and soul to feel me and hear my call

so why are you refraining from my reach tonight

open your ears so that you can hear

unlock your heart to fill your soul

so that you may hear again my voice carry in the wind

open up to feel us close

I miss you tonight

this is a feeling of unfamiliarness that I am not aware

I do not like this feeling and sense of being around me

I want to be where we’ve been before and where our thoughts are thought whitin each others minds and not thine own

I want this feeling of you being near and you being home


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Posted by on April 12, 2011 in Uncategorized


Where Are You

Here I am alone within the dark of the night

sitting alone in the unknown of a pale and hidden moonlight

wondering where you are and why you will not answer my call

not even hearing a distant wolfs howl

or seeing a animal of the night around on a prowl

where are you

I have asked myself this so many a time now

not a single word since I remember when we last spoke

not a notion of a reasoning of that you’d not be around tonight

I sit and ponder trying to piece it all together within my tiny brain

although unable for all answers do not fit

Here I sit in the cold and silence of the night

not a sound around

not even that of the rain

not a sound of distant thunder brewing

sitting awake and unable to sleep

 for things are feeling a bit not right

unsure of what the eary feeling is in the air

however I know that your spirit is not here

it is not responding to my constant repeating call

where are you

you are not within ear of my call

you are not answering my calls from here

you are not responding in any ways I try

are you alright

are you okay

are you safe from the darks of the bitter cold night

where are you

you have my heart beating wild and fast

uncertain of your sudden disapearance

uncertain of your where abouts

was it something I did

was it something said

why this silence between us

here I sit in the dark of the night staying awake with you on my brain

lyinjg in the chill of the air wondering where you are

I listen still but I still can not hear your call

sourounded within the silence of the bitter cold breeze

 I only hear the wind

not a thing more

not even a mouse running across the floor

this is so unlike of you

we usually have more to be said between our words

knowing our every action before it’s made

yet tonight I lye awake in silence of knowing where you are

where are you

why will you not answer my call

where are you

hating this silence I sit surrounded by

trying to catch my breath at every thought which passes my brain

the air around me damp and very near

here I am and you are not near

what is running throughout your life that has you being so distant and drawn back from me tonight

I couldn’t even follow your close footprints tonight to find you if even I wanted to

I have no info to believe in knowing your where abouts

I feel so empty not knowing where you are

I feel so lonely and sad filled in this silence surrounding me

so mentaly unsafe within my own mind

oh where are you tonight that you won’t speak to me

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Posted by on April 12, 2011 in Uncategorized


Everything Is Planned, This Is How Everything Goes

We live our lives each day on the edge of our seats thinking we may have it all made and that things may be going our way
Although most of the times finding out we’re not right
Trying to pull everything together in one big pile but never can
Life just simply goes just as everything was planned
Our lives falling apart around us and we try to stand above water with it but feeling overwhelmed we begin to drowned in it all. This is just how everything goes in life
Choices in our life can be made and changed but the plan that was given to us is ours to always keep and take
Only he can change the plan he had for your life
Everything is just the way it was planned
With not a question and hardly ever any time you try to stay on track though exhaustion takes hold pulling you down
You try holding your head high however it begins to fall you realize that everything in your life is taking hold and pulling you down but in a sense everything is still going just as it was planned for everything in life is planned ahead and this is how everything goes in life

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Posted by on April 7, 2011 in Uncategorized


Monsters In Her Closet And Under Her Bed

She lies in her bed in the dark, dark room and tries to sleep
Although the shadows creep up around her keeping her awake
She begins to tremble lying within her bed
Listening to all the sounds around her and the lights on the walls she becomes truly afraid
She tries to pull her shades to hide inside within the corners of her room.
Shaking at every noise age begins to believe there are monsters in her closet and under her bed hiding behind the doors within the perimeters of her room
She hides her face into her pillows trying to block it all out and free herself from the fear and eary feelings building inside
As she begins to cry becoming more afraid she yells for mommy
With mommy not coming as quick as she’d like she starts beginning to think she may be alone and lets out a horrified thrilling scream
Then in from the hall her door opens slowly from the outside and in the dark of the room stands a tall black figure she jumps under her covers with tears streaming down her face  yelling with extreme fear she screams for mommy not realizing mommy was the shadow standing in the doorway
The light goes on and seeing her mom she jumps up in her bed and into her mother’s arm as her tears begin to dry
She tells her mom about the monsters she hears in her closet and beneath the bed
Her mother trying to reassure her sweet child for rest and of her fears she says…my child it is okay dear the shadows are only shadows of the night created by everything around you and how that light shines across it
Then she continues expressing the best as she can telling her child that the noises that she hears are only the angels which God sends to each corner of her room to watch over her and protect her thru the night as she sleeps
That there are no monsters in her closet or under her bed
She asks her mother to stay by her side while she sleeps
Her mother trying to get out of it says hunny you’re okay, just close your eyes and before you know it it’ll be morning with daylight soon to follow becoming another day
Not wanting to be alone in the dark she again asks mommy stay with me
So unwilling to upset her child sits upon her childs bed to help her back to sleep
While exhausted herself she begins to fade
There she dozes falling asleep herself there next to her child
Together the two lay throughout the night happy and content together in each others arms
When morning moves in mom awakes realizing she had fallen asleep the whole night away with her child
Yet putting a smile on her face she puts aside the fact of nothing getting done as she had planned as she had slept the night away to face the fact that it felt good to be able to wrap her arms around her child once more as she has grown older and won’t let mommy do such things as much anymore
Becoming a big girl this child is growing into her own identity
For the first time she once again she had let her mother in
This brought a smile across the mother’s face as she quietly and slowly crawled away from her daughters grasp and out of the bed to start her new day refreshed, renewed and in a really good mood
Letting the child sleep she turned and took one last look at the quiet child as she quietly snuck out her bedroom door as she whispers goodnight honey there are no monsters in your closet or under your bed it’s just God’s angels protecting you so rest soundly my dear, your mommy’s here and near and she loves you very dearly no matter what unconditionally trying to always show it

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Posted by on April 6, 2011 in Uncategorized