In my heart I hold you tight and listen for your breathing throughout the night knowing I have a soulmate is worth the final wait
Longing to know you and have you close by my side
Weather you are here or there I think of you every day and night
Waiting for that day that you truly enter my life and take me forever to be with you in love
My eyes always watching and aware for you to step out in front of me and make it last
You are my one hearts desire
Once I have you I will never leave
But your soul only is all I have with me
I know i’ll meet you under the sun but longing for you is all I have within
Bright blue skies keep me holding faith as I know you husband will take the race
When or how I know one day
Though I want it now I sit and pray
With every day traveling by
And my life still in shambles and disarray I just wish you were hear to take it all in throughout the years
To look emensily in your eyes and always know that you are mine
Though it is now the end of this dream as you are not here or even with me
I hold the faith all along and imagine the day for what I have known of you before we meet in hope I relax in time of all these years gone by without you by my side.
Monthly Archives: October 2011
Relax In Time
Miserable With Bronchitis
Feeling under the weather I wish I were feeling better
Closed up in my bed and house I lay all day as time just ticks away
Wishing I had someone to hold me and stay by my side
To be by the fireplace to warm up and fall asleep
Living my life with Asthma, depression and right now bronchitis too
I feel so rotten and nasty to even eat much or move
The fevers up to one hundred don’t help me a bit either
Feel like my life is over, but I know that soon this bronchitis will be kicked out the door
But feeling so miserable not wanting to do a thing
Falling asleep just passing out it is wearing into nothing
Soon this will be over and I won’t couped up or depressed no more
Soon I hope I will happy again and exuberant in life for I know that I am not dieing but the coughing doesn’t help one bit
I feel so just miserable it makes me want to cry
Wanting you beside me and wanting to be held tight
I am miserable with bronchitis as I lay again in bed tonight
Torn Apart By Blogs From The Heart
Torn apart by blogs from the heart
with the words that were meant to be
families formed by connection of two
that were never one life in the same
Bringing out two families
separated by distances apart
knowing they were meant to be
but never seeing heart in time
hearing and seeing things of the pasts
things that fall out of rhyme with time
like a lightning flash or a light bulb marking a new idea
there are things looking and fitting not so right
two soul mates knowing they are so
yet having yet to be together as now
things not always making sense as two soul mates should
questions in among the head
with un answered thoughts to speak
hidden in worlds darkness
for a soul mate is hard to find
true but still I feel I am loosing mine
living in a world of time
where nothing is real and all games
I feel so pure of the feelings we have
yet all around me is wrong
Seeing things written and read
of things I have never seen before
makes things not feel true
Knowing that is not how it is
or how it should be
I am living honest feelings
as some things on the screen I read
question me and make me wonder how much I really believe
Things that rub me in the wrong way
bringing in tears unto my eyes
things I do not want to read
and don’t make sense within
all of our dreams
however things I see and hear
sounding and looking like we never will
I don’t know how to hold tight
when things are piling up and just not adding up right
Slowly being torn apart by blogs from the heart
Blogs that mean so much for me to read each and everyday
wisdom holding but pains and fears building
ripping me to pieces inside of myself
or voices speaking inside my head
though I don’t think so… this feels deeper inside than voices
Do they even know it tears me up like that
what do I do now
If I reveal it will cause issues
people will read into it wrong
others may get hurt
but you don’t understand
just how bad it hurts me to see
to see the things of which I see
every year another promise not fulfilled
all beginning to just seem like words said or written out
I am sure that is not so
but only you are the one to know
only you know the heart of the pure blog
I try to remain strong
but it is so distant that I have nothing to hold with a grip
a grip that I need as every piece of what I believed true
just seems to be a short end in my hand or vanish into thin air
as a path that we were following that just slipped and vanished from beneath our feet
that I don’t believe is how it is suppost to be
however that is how it is feeling to me
I love you I do
but I just don’t know what is happening and going on
nothing making sense in what I see
it hurts just as much to say
as it does to see and read
but all in itself I try to believe
for the soul mate I know we are and can be
I am hoping that you may read this just knowing i needed to vent
Nothing you read truly being meant
Praying that you aren’t becoming mad
just needed to clear thoughts from within my head
thoughts that just don’t really make sense
with thing that you and I have spoken between you and me alone
Know I mean it when I say that I love you
The Internet Junky Is Just Me…
A night without the net
Only three hrs down so far
Here I sit and twidle my thumbs and ain’t seen nothing yet
Bored as ever when never before
As you filled your down time with facebook, Twitter or yahoo messanger before.
Now you sit here going thru withdraw for the time spent then is not there tonight
Just the web base cell phone sitting on a table or desk
No modem or lynksis helping you out tonight
For tonight you are solo with no internet at your side
Dying to be in front of that big too bright screen yet again one more time.
Really really you say…. as you slap yourself in the face
This is good you need to accept this one time space
Okay so maybe I am an internet junky bit that is as I wish to be
Maybe I am addicted but that is okay it is all good cause
So addicted is okay for me, that is where I am happy you see
I still live my life and do important things. I don’t forget the real life like the other junkies we see.
Internet junky is just the that I am…that is just me and it sure as hell always will be.
I guess internet junky is where I will remain as always was before
In my stress free place that I just enjoy to be in the internet junky where I am at.
This my dear is truly just me.
However in the running tonight it has slammed the door in my face for the internet right now tonight is simply just not working anymore. The internet junky is just me…
*Sarah Update Again*
Hi Everyone!! Hope that fall is going well for all of you. I am writing you this message to request and update you on Sarah. For about a month now Sarah has been battling a unknown health cyst she has tried 2 different antibiotics and has little to no response. she was at the ENT today at CHOP to follow up on the progress. They are hoping that giving it yet another month it may recede off totally and vanish; however if it does not and she is back in a month with it still there she will have to go thru surgery. So We are requesting that if you are able to pray to please send some up for 5 year old Sarah Palmer. Thanks we will keep all updated as we can.
The Beautiful You
I have made mistakes
like any of us do
I have felt alone,
alone and afraid
without you
Loosing my own mind,
loosing my hopes and dreams
loosing my hold on faith
Yet in it all your keeping me awake
I hear you speaking out my name
calling out to me I hear your one small voice
as you help to pull me on through.
I have made mistakes
like any of us do
I have felt alone,
alone and afraid without you
Keeping me floating high
above the clouds and over the lands
I am reminded each day
As I hear your one small voice
putting hopes back into me
As I may not always see a beautiful me,
but I always see a beautiful you.
I have made mistakes
like any of us do
I have felt alone,
alone and afraid without you
I hear your one small voice
as you help pull me on through.
That is the beautiful you.
One Can Never Let Go…You Can Be The Voice
Each time that I hear about another mom who has lost an infant weather after it was born or before it digs deep into my heart and sadens me to see another mother suffer the same pain as I have already been working thru. I myself carried a child for six n half months attaching my entire self being to her more than ever as she was to be my first child ever and a special child at that to become a millennium baby. However, at 6n 1/2 months and after creating that special parent child bond Katrinia lost her heart beat forcing me to have to go thru emergency DNC to have her removed and protect my own health, while tearing my heart out with hers. I will never forget my reaction sitting on that OB table just those quick subtle minutes and the screams that left with her that very day as tears pour from my eyes. The loss of a child is one that never goes away or leaves your side. It is one that ones involved must find their own RIGHT closer for to bring peace to their mind. It’s been 11 years for me now and every year I am still celebrating what I can just to never let her go as if she was still right here. One could not let go. It just always remains with you no matter how hard one tries. Sometimes it tears more than just your soul, sometimes it could tear apart lives or families as it had mine. A lot around me changed and left away the day I had learned about the loss of my baby
Sometimes it can be fixed, other times it is left in the buried sands by the sea to be washed far away from where it had once used to be
No matter what the case
You will make it thru, to be a leader to others and help them out as well helping them to see the light and hear your stories too
Your voice can also be the voice that other moms still may need to see or read
Though None Go… I Will Follow
“As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” Luke 9:57
62 Jesus replied, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.” Luke 9:59-62
We lay down upon our pillow at night to give our body rest from a busy day, or from our every activity of day
Thinking over our lives and what gifts God has given to me
Thinking of our past that just hounds or haunts or changes us for the best in our lives
Touching our tiny souls as all else in life is quiet our life is all still full of the footprints that only that soul has earned for each journey along putting us on a focus to become stress free
Remembering God’s love that only he was able to fully give to thee I and many more have always returned and remained
In the great book that he wrote in it saying…though none go with me I still will follow
Our lives are made of our choices and decisions
No one elses, no one but us can decide and change what we live life like
Knowing this the Lord answered by saying
“Though none go with me I still will follow…”
Implying that we could either stand by the ways of the world, or we could love our lives for Christ and what is best of us
We could walk in the way we believe is best for us using the ways of the world, or we could walk with God no matter for peer pressure or what others decide what they feel is best for you
When we decide to follow Christ and do without the world we decide just that…
“Though none go with me I still will follow…” no matter what ones of your friends, relatives, family decide to go with us you still will follow and go with Christ no matter weather none or all go too
HevnSwtAngels Blog 