My heart to yours

I’ve been sitting in solitude and silence these days focusing hard on my life with myself and my three kids while trying to change what has been given to me as my future,my journey, my focus trying not to live in the depression that keeps pulling at me as things in life get uncontrolled and overwhelming with life things that can not be changed. Jaimie my three year old is doing well since she had her staples removed from her head not long ago the past fire weeks. As for Sarah and her ear, nose and throat issues they have gotten better but they are now testing her on belief that she my be dealing with a blood disease. To throw that into the flow of my upside down life right now has kinda flipped me upside down right now. I have kinda secluded myself from all those within my daily life flow I know. For that I am sorry. I just need myself to stay focused along my journey right now as I keep falling in my emotions of overwhelming emotions right now. Thinking what I would do if she learns her blood number is right and that she is battling what they believe is right, I know all will be alright it’s just I don’t know what to do to help Sarah and be there for her when she has questions or if things were to happen and it’s truly scaring me to no end. How will I be a mother of a child with a blood disease? I know nothing about blood or what things it ll is telling me, it is like speaking german when I was born and taught english. I am trying to research this as much as I can but it all is just not making séance to me. It is like I am reliving algebra and once again flunking it. Just gotta keep reminding myself it will be okay. In the end I find my heart going out to yours, my child who I have to worry about as I now await to hear if this number remains and that your blood is not working as it should and is gonna be a daily beginning for treatment and medications for you. With a table key of 38 to 62 or whatever it was and your number being 38 just at the borderline it’s still a higher risk chance of that you have this disease and I have to become more careful of you not getting injured ad change my life when my life is upside down already With living and health already alone. Now to add this as well with already no time in my day. I just don’t see how I can comprehend being a mother of a child of a blood disease and no extra time to turn around and give. All I can do is give and send out my heart to yours. Knowing behind all negatives somehow we will pull on thru.