If there were one thing I wish that could ever be changed

 it would be the communication lever within and surrounding me

Throughout myself and my journey in life

I have found faults in the way that people communicate with me

I try to try but getting no where

I step away in search of fresher calmer air

from being ignored, not listened to, not heard or mocked

to not understood and condemned because of my thoughts

from being judged or taken to heart the wrong way when heard

saying things I mean to say one way but yet meaning it a totally different way all together

expressing myself in many different ways including

writing, word of mouth and speech

trying to express what I feel and saying it all the same

has never been easy to me

trying to make a new friend, meet a new face or stay in connection with those closest in my life

are seldom for me

I may open up well on the days that I try

but hidden deep inside

within my tiny small trusted frame

I stay desolate, quiet, and all in familiars with just me

Yes, I can be a social butterfly once you have gotten to know me

but warming up to anyone outside of me and to you is not easy one bit for me to do

although I make baby steps at least to try

communication is not an easy place that works for me

I would love to say that everyone understands me

but too many a time

we just don’t see eye to eye

with what I try to express getting mangled and twisted within rubble and mess

to things that I can say

coming out the wrong way

hurting me or others along its route out of me into life any given day

Not always meaning what has been said or done

trying to change it, apologize for the way it came out and getting turned down

or trying again only making it worse

If I could change one thing any given day

it would be to change the way of communication with me

knowing I could or would be understood

to trusting that I won’t be mocked or laughed or judged for my mouth or the things that I say or believe

Knowing and holding onto the fact that I was heard, understood and believed in life

trusting that I could open up more to my friends or family

that no one on earth or my circles I know would turn and talk or make fun of me

trusting that I could always be a social butterfly

not being hidden and shy

my closest friends not feeling ignored or betrayed

I never said or meant that

I just tend to stay quiet hidden and to myself.

It’s just me

I’m sorry

I don’t know how to change who I was born to be

but if I could change one thing on any given day

the way people communicate with me and understand me

is what it would be.