Author Archives: J. Palmer

In your life you are always busy

Keeping yourself as best as can be keeping up with your three kids

kids who aren’t always angels of gold being sure that you stay busy

alone with no form of help you do what you can

though even you begin to friegh within

while in your heart you keep hoing things will soon change as you haven’t had enough time just for you and your special loved ones

life looking like you are peering thru a window soaked in rain unable to focus on the next to come and unable to see what is mearly in front of you

your vision nothing but a big blurr

while the little time you have you spend mostly thinking of him

you still wish the time was different somehow in the day come to and end

so drained and tired from the overwork of love you lay upon the pillow helping them go to bed resting their tiny little head and zonk out yourself with no warning ahead missing out on the time you may have actually had

though knowing as you wake you were exhausted within and needed that sleep which snuck up and snuck in

though in the back of your mind your still missing him

falling asleep you loose that time that you and he once had

though sleep feeling the best you have never felt before as you are so tired and drained in life during this crazy tough time

Him saying he understands

but you saying but I want to be there with you having you holding me and my hand thru this extremely hard and lonely time in life

in hope filled wonder questioning if this time in life will ever change or end or if it will be just as it is all along staying the same

this seems to be the true time in life i see

With a coat like soft silk

the color of amber

hair that flows through the breeze like that of a spirit of the wind

he runs among the valleys with grace and speed among his grace filled prance

his magic fills the air with his majestic power and speed

racing the meadows and valleys like a wild stallion that he is

spending his day roaming the land then in the night hearing the call of the wolf

his face full of  years and age of his kind

his example being that in the one in the lead

though still young at heart he knows not of these gifts which he has

still learning how important he is for his breed

becoming a warrior soon in the night he takes his role and guides his team

he is still filling into his abilities and natural-born inhabitants of his herd

brave and spirited with strength and diligence with the strange yet amazing beauty

running along the horizon of the of the most intense and bold sunset of the intensifying colors of the sky above

running out in the distance with the wildest of the land

this is the story of the most beautiful animal of the universe

Nuts, rythem, passion, play,stranger and ending with proper
are the words that the voices stated as I lay there on my bed and played

thinking of this special someone I hold dear to my heart and think of each day

invisioning us making love and passionate ties I lay there on that bed I did while they shouted and yelled this at that very time

this time I thought that was only mine making me laugh at each single word as it yelled each one as if in rythem to the thoughts of my mind

lying there alone I had still felt someone with me touching my nature of my own body

arousing my spirit I could not believe what it was I was seeing

was it all play in my moment invisioning he, or was it a ghost coming onto me 

when I had finally finished I laughed at this thought

as I focused some more and listened once more to the voice the call of the voices talking to me

He said as I then sat up in the bed Stranger

was it this stranger in my mind I had invisioned in time or was it this ghost of the voices yelling at me

I still find things funny somhow

yet now again in bed but yet this time with silence drawing in once more

You meet each other for the first time and your hearts begin to pound like drums. You gaze into each others eyes noticing no one else around. You begin to think how sweet is he…this hero I see. Day by day goes by than you exchange your first kiss. Both shy and now red in glow you begin to giggle as you both feel kinda embarrassed at this new idea between you two. Months years go by some more and now you have grown still closer some more. Now you look into each others gaze and you can never let go. You have made it this far now ready for the next step into love. You open the door Lyon down in each others arms and begin now getting lost in that once quiet gaze. His gentle touch running across your body like a babies soft small fingers it’s so gentle and soft that you begin to draw in nearer. Your eyes gentle gaze becomes a softer deeper kiss where your lips lock in super and move in a slow closing form around each other so subtle and shallow. Hands beginning to roam to find there safety place at home. While the breath begins to speed up skipping air pockets and hearts behind to race. You begin hearing sounds neither has made before. Suddenly you feel each other thrusting in rhythm and time and bodies getting warm then hot and sweat rolling off each others arms and thigh. Again looking into each others gaze its again different this time as you feel different somehow. You feel fullfilled and content in the moment of exhale. Caught in the moment nonetheless. This moment you have awaited and feel full bliss. Now you look in each others eyes once again one more time and you know at that moment they are the one. You have joined in physical each others flesh and you know that the time that you look in those eyes again will be that moment that you two join to become one.

You meet each other for the first time and your hearts begin to pound like drums. You gaze into each others eyes noticing no one else around. You begin to think how sweet is he…this hero I see. Day by day goes by than you exchange your first kiss. Both shy and now red in glow you begin to giggle as you both feel kinda embarrassed at this new idea between you two. Months years go by some more and now you have grown still closer some more. Now you look into each others gaze and you can never let go. You have made it this far now ready for the next step into love. You open the door Lyon down in each others arms and begin now getting lost in that once quiet gaze. His gentle touch running across your body like a babies soft small fingers it’s so gentle and soft that you begin to draw in nearer. Your eyes gentle gaze becomes a softer deeper kiss where your lips lock in super and move in a slow closing form around each other so subtle and shallow. Hands beginning to roam to find there safety place at home. While the breath begins to speed up skipping air pockets and hearts behind to race. You begin hearing sounds neither has made before. Suddenly you feel each other thrusting in rhythm and time and bodies getting warm then hot and sweat rolling off each others arms and thigh. Again looking into each others gaze its again different this time as you feel different somehow. You feel fullfilled and content in the moment of exhale. Caught in the moment nonetheless. This moment you have awaited and feel full bliss. Now you look in each others eyes once again one more time and you know at that moment they are the one. You have joined in physical each others flesh and you know that the time that you look in those eyes again will be that moment that you two join to become one. Bringing marriage now foward as an idea and suddenly realizing you are nolonger alone. Together uniting your soul as their own and theirs with yours family becoming one. This is the time when a moment went from the moment to one

When I saw your face you made me smile

My heart fluttered sending shivers up my spine as it skipped a beat

You were like a dream in the slumber of the night

Like a thought in the clouds I lifted my head in belief while i closed my eyes in a prayer

you were  all I saw in the sight of my eyes

you were like a dream that I never awoke from

My hands began to shake as my blood rapidly flowed thru my veins

My breath was taken away just a lil gasp was all I could say

You were my prince come to save my day

You were like a dream

Now your just a distant word in the dark of night as I hold on to the memories till we see each other one day in the good life

a thought in my mind with my pictures of the brain

lots of memories and lots of strife

holding onto and knowing that all will come to be

and that life in the future will not remain the same

your life of today will hold onto a different name

the fairys will take your old life away helping you make a brighter life today

Laying my head upon the pillow in my bed

I say a prayer then rest my head

thinking of you as I rest

while watching the snow outside fall

remembering the winters of my childhood filled with bliss

pondering in thought how much we’ll really see

is this finally it or is there still yet more

My eyes feeling droopy my body ice cold

I lay missing you in awe

my life in somewhat slumber rest

 as all the children rest their own little heads

I know when morning falls they’ll ask to go out and play

 running out that front door to enjoy this new snow day

with you still on my mind I try to sleep

although feeling uneasy with envy

Missing you so I look out my window

Watching the white wintery snow falling to the ground below

 to change my  point of focus

from thoughts of you…out to the snow

finally falling asleep calm and resting

I search within my dreams

where in my dreams my focus still remains on you

My love holds strong

to the heart you have

sustaining you I am

In my dreams I dream a story never finished or untold

living each day in a new mystery

His love is true

I know this well

this door is left open for you

 telling me the mysteries of the untold

hidden in duquise

I stay silent

fear within fills me inside

thinking of you as I miss you now

with the thought in me remaining sustained

This is love I will hold tight like a wolf in persuit

of a hunt he sees.

Steady and ready he seems to proceed

While shaking deep inside

just trying to finish off and succeed

this slumber rest is what I need

making me feeling good and refreshed indeed

I am writing this letter to myself in hopes that my life could soon be changed It’s just past one year now since your mom had died

 there are so many things I see in you that you saw in her

things you see that have made you cry

like missing her and other things you have seen that give you and dad laughs because even he sees the same similarity or reminder that you feel she’s left behind.

Your thirty-three now and yourself and the kids are growing older

yet its funny how she passes and you feel as if you are her at times with things you see that she left behind

 you’ve begun to realize all the similarties the two of you actually did have in common as you never had before eventhough you thought the two of you were two total opposites.

 I will right you once more again in about one year and then once again in about five sometime lets try to see the change.

I hope that God will soon bless you and the children as well as your life.

In one year they will be seven,six, and four and will understand and learn alot more

So hopefully you will soon be able to close that bad door in theirs and your own life.

Bringing a better tommorrow to your name and sometime in the near future you should soon be making a move.

Hold tight to your life and try your hardest to make it worth something big.

 In another five years more

hopefully you should have a new open door in that new tame life and the kids will become then twelve,eleven, and nine leaving a bit more freedom for thine.

 Much older than

they surely would understand than and things will be more sensative to them.

So the faster you get this all tied down the easier life will be for the three and for you.

Mom loved you she’d want nothing but the best of the best for you.

I know i would love and you would love best to try to make her happy weather she were still here or not.

 Good luck, and I shall check in again soon. For now go rest and remember this note.

Signed,
Letter to myself