His eyes look into the broad depths of the forest. His ears hear the tiniest piercing pin drop down. His feet leave marks as he run thru tracking himself in the snow. His coat keeps him covered from the weather and cold. He howls at night talking to his ansesters of moons before him. His as wide as could ever be with the color of blue that I see before me. The colors he wears so anchent and amazing with such a beautiful blend. His courage he wears like a metal of honor. His wisdom floating in the wind all the while. His honor to be the best that he can be. His speed to move fast and a hero in need. His loyalty to hold strong to the loves of his heart even when best or worst are putting up steaks to block off his ways. His grey as gourgeous as a winter sky. His white as glistening as snow topped with ice. His time he has is never marked in. His song he sings carrying bold and loud in the wind. He has always been one of my heart to this very day i shall we never part. This wolf I see is always a piece of my heart. His sense of danger is wild at play as he faces and learns to broaden ot’s depths day by day. His kene sense of smell travels off far too. Picking up any and each scent the catches his nose.
Author Archives: J. Palmer
Rest Quiet
Laying here in the dark with silence all around
only one sound of the cats strong purr left to be heard.
kids all finally asleep
myself I cant even close my eyes.
My soul hardened and bitter not really ever looking for another tomorrow.
Hurt within myself
holding on strong to my christian beliefs.
While Satan has a good strong tug at my heart and soul.
That’s alright you may try, but you won’t succeed at my life I say.
I will stay strong to my faith in God that my life not making sence will work in me as well.
You Satan will never win my soul over.
I will fight keeping faith in ours till the very day that i die than to choose to be with you.
You are the enemy and where I choose not to ever be.
So rest quiet my soul
the time is now yours right now
let the time not waiste away from you
My Sad Lonely Soul
Lonely am I crying inside
Hiding and running out of time
Tripping and falling over my out of sync life
I am a sad lonely soul looking for rest for my spirit
As my life around me falls apart as does myself
Spinning circles all around
Running others out of town.
No one happy in life here right now
Shadows falling over like black clouds.
Dieing Soul
My soul tired from running.
My heart soured by evil and hatred.
My eyes burning from lack of life and uncryed tears. My emotions drowning within a pool of sorrow adding a level with each year. Here i sit overlooking my pains and suffering which still engulfs around me. Making me unhappy each year passing. My spirit being mauled to death. I lay lifeless and numb in each passing day. Thinking and dieing inside as i watch nothing move my way in time. I have low to minimal life left now as my inside begins to die with the pain. Spiritual death or depression as said. Slow, aganizing and painful all through. My heart crying with every waking hour. Slowly claiming my spirit who is on verge of loosing hope and giving up.
Honesty
They say lying gets you nowhere
Honesty is the best way
how can this be when truths are told and only lead to hurt and despair
so how does honesty work yet never
this answer I would love to learn
I want not to be hurt as I want not to hurt anyone like him or anyone else as well
Though each time I am honest in any issue with anyone
this is exactly what it seems to go thru and exactly all I see
So how does one follow thru with what things she feels are right if they always seem so wrong with them
I am crying inside and dying in heart of life my feelings and honesty are not things I can hide
I nolonger even have tears to cry or emotions to follow inside myself
I have begun to quietly shut down and hide
Is It Me
Why must I feel like everyone hates me or is working against me
why does my brain think this is okay
why does my heart talk to me and make me feel this way
why does depression take hold so well, never rarely letting go
why does it screw me up so wild the way it does so
making me feel so empty and attacked like they are all coming in to feast that last bite
why do I push them away so bad trying to keep them and hold them tight
why do I feel they hate me so
is it me
do I do it when I feel it too
I don’t want or like feeling this way
I don’t want the emptiness that only I can see
I don’t want the hatred I feel portrayed
I don’t want the anger of the pain i feel
I want to trust better and better draw near
I don’t want to shun or push away in fear
is it me
is it me
Oh God with thee I plead
help me draw nearer to thee
help me
help me to save what life I have left
help me to save that which was saved
help me save me like you had before by giving me eternity
help me save me so I can be me
Oh wait…. I am me so that just won’t do
help me save me and better me being like the way that you formed me to
help me
help me
is it me
would life be better if I left people alone
would they really understand if I just vanished and disapeared
would they care
Help me close this path of depression and my post traumatic stress I percieve
rid of it from me and heal me inside
it’s engulphing me and my life and I am running out of places to hide
This is not really what I want anyway
so why do I spend much of my time here within
help me to heal and be happy again
Help me be me like you who I see
help me be the me they are looking to see
help me to live in equility not die within my life where no one really sees the real me
sigh
this is the me I know but I want the real me like they do too
help me please
help me now
is it me
is it me
this answer I can not see
Truth
Is it of me that he speaketh
I want to know what he sees
why do they always hide what they really know and see not sharing it with thee
Why can’t i know and see what others see in me
why can i never know the truth people see
i only know what i hear and have shared
but there is more to the picture of inner truths which is of that i have not been told
If I were dying would someone share it with me
I don’t trust so as there is so much more hidden I have seen already
If I were dying would anyone but he really care
Not too sure but again I don’t think they’d even notice if I just walked out that silent door
Who’d care
would they you sure
lets not find out … please
don’t go there once more
your running and hiding just like you talk not
how can you say when your not facing up to your own very fear
What door haven’t I opened
help me look there then
I don’t know how or i’d do it again to keep practicing then
guide me
show me
help me understand
give me a focus point and help me live again
help me see what you see
from within your eyes
there are thing that are hidden that I would like to bind as my own also
Show me
show me again
help me to define
define this focus of the underline that was to be left to hide
help me to focus better seeing full scale
all that you see…
help me save me love
help me save me
Is It Amnesia?? Something More…
Although I have never looked death in the full face as others I know have. I have been thinking of what about that time that something were to have happened to me. When I was suppose to die. Would I be like some now who are not ready or too afraid and they faked death to be able to live with their loved ones not ready to leave. probably. However no one is to know for sure what will happen that day. Though what if you were to die and then your spirit got lost in the transition between life and death and didn’t want to face the light doing what many spirits could and jumping into another open body to stay alive. I think about that. Could you imagine the stress. Knowing the life you lived but remembering another ones memories and living as another. I wonder if this really happens. Some can call it amnesia, Is this always amnesia though? I wouldn’t see it as amnesia if you choose to live as yourself but someone else. However what if it really wasn’t your full choice. What if your spirit decided and you had not fully consented to it and were trying to live as yourself but things weren’t making sense, Oh I dunno just some random thoughts.
Lye Awake At Night
I lye awake in bed at night.
Watching stars fly in the sky.
Not knowing what tomorrow holds.
wishing you were here tonight.
I lye awake in bed at night
watchings stars fly thru the night
dreaming dreams I wish could be
not knowing what tomorrow brings
I lye awake in bed at night
loosing sleep I need to gain
hoping I see something new,
for the things in life I can not see.
I lye awake in bed at night.
Watching stars fly in the sky.
Not knowing what tomorrow holds.
wishing you were here tonight
wishing you were by my side
Missing Him So
I lay here in the dark crying inside thinking of him.
for eventhough we are always close there never seems to be the time.
we are always ending like two ships into passing seas.
with all schedules rambled they rarely ever meet in sync.
I lay here crying inside wanting things back as they used to be.
Mising him so and wanting him near to me.
Where the two of us met eye to eye with not enough time in a day, but all the time in the world for nothing else but us.
Liife now is different I see.
It all feels like a dream slowly becoming a fantasy and moving out of reality.
Late at night is when I miss him worst.
When my world around me begins to slow down.
Why must our times cross at the paths.
Why can’t life just be in bliss.
Sigh, guess it back to bed now lonely again I see.
I lay here at night missing him bad.
Lying my head upon my pillow and hands.
Wishing that I could cry on his shoulder at times.
rarly ever seeing day in a light with us.
Oh how I miss you so my love.
I go back to sleep now to dream again of you.
goodnight my love.
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