If there were one thing I wish that could ever be changed
it would be the communication lever within and surrounding me
Throughout myself and my journey in life
I have found faults in the way that people communicate with me
I try to try but getting no where
I step away in search of fresher calmer air
from being ignored, not listened to, not heard or mocked
to not understood and condemned because of my thoughts
from being judged or taken to heart the wrong way when heard
saying things I mean to say one way but yet meaning it a totally different way all together
expressing myself in many different ways including
writing, word of mouth and speech
trying to express what I feel and saying it all the same
has never been easy to me
trying to make a new friend, meet a new face or stay in connection with those closest in my life
are seldom for me
I may open up well on the days that I try
but hidden deep inside
within my tiny small trusted frame
I stay desolate, quiet, and all in familiars with just me
Yes, I can be a social butterfly once you have gotten to know me
but warming up to anyone outside of me and to you is not easy one bit for me to do
although I make baby steps at least to try
communication is not an easy place that works for me
I would love to say that everyone understands me
but too many a time
we just don’t see eye to eye
with what I try to express getting mangled and twisted within rubble and mess
to things that I can say
coming out the wrong way
hurting me or others along its route out of me into life any given day
Not always meaning what has been said or done
trying to change it, apologize for the way it came out and getting turned down
or trying again only making it worse
If I could change one thing any given day
it would be to change the way of communication with me
knowing I could or would be understood
to trusting that I won’t be mocked or laughed or judged for my mouth or the things that I say or believe
Knowing and holding onto the fact that I was heard, understood and believed in life
trusting that I could open up more to my friends or family
that no one on earth or my circles I know would turn and talk or make fun of me
trusting that I could always be a social butterfly
not being hidden and shy
my closest friends not feeling ignored or betrayed
I never said or meant that
I just tend to stay quiet hidden and to myself.
It’s just me
I’m sorry
I don’t know how to change who I was born to be
but if I could change one thing on any given day
the way people communicate with me and understand me
is what it would be.
HevnSwtAngels Blog 