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Nowhere To Live

30 Jun

I have always been told that I live in a world of pure peace because I am always so calm and bliss
Right now I feel that I am living my life in pure fear and evil
I am afraid to even open my Windows and let the sunlight shine in
I am afraid to take that quick peek outside
I am afraid to look someone in the eye
My life has taken a large crumble and I don’t want to see where the crumbs will land
I want to hold my eyes forever shut and stay deep inside myself and cry
I can not take the abuse anymore
Living in silence with no one around
Living on the streets with not one safe place
Fearing that my kids are going to be taken from me when I am doing all that I can to try to keep us safe
Unsure of my ways hard for me to trust
Leaning on Gods arms to carry me on
Leaning on the one true man I have in my life to hold me strong giving me hope that I have to believe in.
Everything I have ever believed in before now being washed right down the drains
My heart sinking into my chest
My hands trembling at the pursuit of this future ending
My life being torn from beneath my feet
My feet holding weak beneath my weight
The pain burning and everlasting strong fire within my chest burning its own hole in my gut eating it away
Living under the eye of the dark eye of the villon I see
As I become its victim tonight
What’s to live for in life if all that you ever work so hard for gets taken from your side and you are repeatedly told lies
You yourself becoming the criminal in disguise
What do we do to save ourselves to rebuild our hopes
Our dreams that we have held on to for so long
No one can spell out or lives for us but what can we do to spell it out ourselves when you have become lost and overwhelmed on this path of disparities
I know running and hiding is not the answer but I know nothing more to do
Just spending a night in a hotel is luxury to me
Spending everyday having my very own kids asking me
“mommy, are we gonna live in a hotel tonight”
When everyday living in fear not knowing where we will end up tomorrow here or there
Not one place safe for us
Even sometimes living on the streets
This life is not for me
I just want to learn how to break free
With a handicap I did not request
and a job I can not get
No matter how many times and how hard I may try
All I want to do is cry
So burned out and torn down my biggest foundation holding me tight the love for my kids who mean the world to me
Without them I would be nothing more
Are you listening outside my door
Do you hear my cry
Listen! Are you there?
Please help…please pray!
I have runway within the depths of myself
With nowhere to live but within myself
It is like an ongoing dream that I have not woken up from
Here I am with nowhere to live

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2011 in Dreams, Love, Uncategorized

 

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