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When I look into your eyes

I see beauty possessing your souls reflection of me in your heart

Your eyes bold and beautiful

your voice whispering sweet soft nothings into my ears

your mind hearing my deepest secrets and my daring thoughts

as I finish my day dreaming on in life about you

One last glance before I sleep

keeping me awake as I try to rest

your beauty souly golden

your heart pure and true

your mind open and spirit filled

These are the thoughts of the most bold and the beautiful

coming to into my guiding light

one minute less with thee I’d die

souly given my life over to not one but thee

Rest now my love

gain thee your strength

you will need it more when day awake

capture my gaze once more in day break

 filling my heart with all the love you have to give

today is the day of red hearts and love

I dream of this day for us each year I live

In times of sadness we tend to fall to our knees

beliving in dreams we have not seen designed for guiding

time takes a toll

and brings us down

tearing hearts and souls straight to the ground

feelings of shattered dispair invading the air

Hopes holding onto faith in those dreams

some ending with misunderstanding

others ending with relief and satasfaction

while times of sadness tumble it all and time stands still

unsure of what was really real and true

People dieing all around

Souls felt and being sound

Love learking where hope still holds true

still in awe and search of you

Where are you in these times of need

in these times of sadness I so dread

your not here where I want you

I feel hope but slim in emotional sense

lest I take heart and then our hearts take a distant part

where is this bliss I so desperately wish upon

My life filled with dreams of fear and the unseens

at least one a night since we last spoke

Sometimes I keep myself awake out of habbit

 just in fear that I not have sight at these fear-filled frights in the nights

Then when I awake from one of these dreams

I look and turn in search of you

half the time not knowing at first my own room

scared to be alone in bed with my covers quietly tucking my head

hoping to keep out the evil within my very own head

When will be here long enough to protect me in every way

for I fear the night when it turns to day

those are the times most I have these dreads within my head

something that is not right or supposed to be

The tricks of a trickster that noone can hear

the tricks of the trickster is an invisable staire

Who is this trickster I see roaming about

Who is this trickster all are conversing is about

What is his next trick that he holds up his sleeve

What trick could he possibly do that has not been revealed yet

What is a trickster, a joker, a fool

What has this jester got to do

My eyes stay peeled as i wait in content

My ears listen as I am sceptic yet

Who does this jester think he can fool

Not me I have seen all in my years

I know some tricks I am willing to share

though who cares they think he beats all

The tricks of a trickster I’ll leave them here

Wandering about as I feel I must

Tricktsers are trouble who I leave alone

No good tricks for me to learn

trouble, trouble, trouble are the words that I hear

He’s a con, a fraud, a fool

the joker he is I shall let him be

for he surely will not come and fool me

Hey wait…. I think he got you

you must be a fool

you are reading the story about this jokester I see

this jokester is you playing parnks on me I gotch ya you fool as you have got me

So go out and be the next jokester or con

Make someone smile c’mon you know that you can

be a fool today and brighten the light in someone elses day

You fool I gotcha today

Wow! Today you are six
You not to long ago were still only three
Soon you will be growing into a young women like me
My gosh this is such a scary thought you actually growing old enough and maturer now where you have understood helpin with your sisters somehow
Where has time gone it has flown like the wind
the spirits of adolescense,beauty and youth are begining to move in soon you’ll be in high school attending your first dance then off to college and maybe even a sweet romance where has time gone it hasnt been too long your growing so fast in front of my eyes it takes me a minute to lool around to realize
Happy birthday girl I am proud of you
you’ve come this far lets travel on some more
I can say as a mother would
I am proud to be your mother and to have a child like you

You look deep into the valley
looking through the brown thicket of the fields and forests
you look up and you see there are many sticks of branches reachin as far through the sky climbing there branches of stairs into heaven
You look down and you watch the roots of the lives past birrying themselves down into the dark cold ground and down into the center of the earth
Here I speak of trees Trees make images into my head that makes me think of all the lost souls who make their way to sit next to the lords throne and all the lost souls of the deep dark side of Satan burrying into the firey flames and volcanos of earth
together creating creation and the system of life With the brown bark shaving and pealing away showing the ageing and extent of how many lost souls that tree has seen
The grass and fields growing at the foot and spreading many miles and acres of the land makes you see the future ahead showing the era of the new growth ahead of the new lives and the youth to come still on the way
You scope out the land with the history behind and you see the scars of fossil and other natural things that portray its own life story of wars, or fires or trouble that’s come begining to cry in horror of all this truth you fold your hands and begin to pray for the hope of a new and better tomorrow for yourself and all the souls still to come

He doesn’t understand how much it tears me apart

He doesn’t the pain he puts upon me

the weight he causes

how much he makes me cry

I am not hurting him but he must always hurt me

My life consists of raising our kids and being an adult

while he works and then does all his childs play

I rarely ever see him and when he calls it is only to herass and start with me

Though to him I’m a slut

yet to me I am spending my entire life raising the kids and being a mom

unlike him who is on his computer all day or sleeping to keep me away

Where is the love and trust in this pain

I dont see it unless I am just laime

not one nice word always pain and hurt

not my idea of love

though he doesn’t see my tears that I cry

if he does it’s always…you damn cry baby get some medication for your bi polar cause I am sure that you have it

Hell it may even be schitzo of crazy women of more than one personality

you bitch you are no good to me or noone

Is it just me or am I laime

I just don’t see a world of fame or love in this life filled picture frame

I guess eight years, three kids never meant a thing and it’s a lost hope that just needs to somehow die and dround

Sigh

well I don’t know

I am not to shame

I made mistakes in the beginning like anyone could

but I faced front to them and kept going

he shunned me and held me tied to lies

leaving me breaking down and crying not once but all of the times

Where is the love I don’t see it there

build me a new picture with a new frame and maybe then I will but I highly doubt as life around you has showed that all out

Why doesn’t he see how much I cry

You lye in your bed intently focusing on what you could have done

your heart aching and breaking with each acusation that he lyes upon you

with no understanding of the reasoning of why

When you try to openly discuss it, he pushes you away

Saying nothing but a shameless goodbye

What is it about most men that makes them tend to back away and shut down

I am not nasty or mean

I just try to understand where people come from in what they think and also try to be foward and honest so they can learn me

this is why I must admitt, I love him

but yet I hate and despise him as a man

why must he always start with me

why can’t he just be kind and open with me

will this man ever really leave me alone or will it be like this all along

A women can’t even focus and think and wants not even to see him or talk to him when he does this

everytime they are around each other it’s nothing but hatered and never love

What do I do I never know

he begins yet each time with never a reasoning behind his thinking

it’s just acusation without reasoning

Saying goodbye is always tough

with a relationship so strong you don’t want to let go

there are several ways of saying goodbye

Though my thoughts still remain on the loss of a loved one or that special friend

It is rarely something you could prepare for

One day they seem well the next day they are gone

they have life fullfilled beneath their feet

you give them that last kiss for one last goodbye

one tear falling for goodluck and many more goodbyes throughout your life

Say a prayer for those within need

Lightening flashes across the sky

Thunder seems to vibrate and shake the earth

rain hits the window paines like a flume splashung everyone as it comes down

the wind blows like a loud howling wolf

lightening flashes through the sky like a light show in the night

lightening flashes in the sky making it nice and bright as day

the colors of the lightening red, blue and yellow

in a wild wind that will lift you off the solid ground

a day you don’t want to be in

stay inside and just continue watching the creeping lightening

as the streaks move in every direction in the sky

down to the ground and jumping from cloud to cloud

wonder if what my mom told me many years ago as child afraid of a storm could be true

thunder is just the angels bowling in the alley in the sky with the tears being the tears of the angels that cry

the temperature begins to drop and the air gets cold

childrens hearts begin to pound as they hide their head buried in their beds from the big loud sounds

the wind begining to sound like a passing train as it’s blowing starts to roar

the thought of this craziness outside my front door

when it will stop we can’t be sure

lightening still flashing deep into the night

thunder rumbling in the dark black sky

no stars out tonight

my heart begins to pound with the stress of trying to settle my kids down

the storm a wild one

Lightening nature’s own electricity

this is the lightening from the storm above

Falling to pieces here without you

Lying in my bed feeling overwealmed with sadness and blue

sitting here on my pillow thingking and dreaming of you

Falling to pieces with tears in my eyes

with a love inside that I do not know

my heart crying out for us to bind

falling to pieces upon the sand

stepping here in the unfamiliar of this unknown land

You love me so yet we can’t even hold my hand

My love holds strong

yet it feels as if you are walking away and loosing hope

I sit and cry at night wonderin why

shaking my head in deny

 could this be true

are we falling to pieces drifting apart

tears falling from within my heart

as i think of you and wonder what will be

everything around me seeming like a distant mystery