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Author Archives: J. Palmer

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About J. Palmer

Living under the wings of God and the angels around me keeping me going and safe. Sharing the love of Christ.

My Heart To Yours

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My heart to yours

I’ve been sitting in solitude and silence these days focusing hard on my life with myself and my three kids while trying to change what has been given to me as my future,my journey, my focus trying not to live in the depression that keeps pulling at me as things in life get uncontrolled and overwhelming with life things that can not be changed. Jaimie my three year old is doing well since she had her staples removed from her head not long ago the past fire weeks. As for Sarah and her ear, nose and throat issues they have gotten better but they are now testing her on belief that she my be dealing with a blood disease. To throw that into the flow of my upside down life right now has kinda flipped me upside down right now. I have kinda secluded myself from all those within my daily life flow I know. For that I am sorry. I just need myself to stay focused along my journey right now as I keep falling in my emotions of overwhelming emotions right now. Thinking what I would do if she learns her blood number is right and that she is battling what they believe is right, I know all will be alright it’s just I don’t know what to do to help Sarah and be there for her when she has questions or if things were to happen and it’s truly scaring me to no end. How will I be a mother of a child with a blood disease? I know nothing about blood or what things it ll is telling me, it is like speaking german when I was born and taught english. I am trying to research this as much as I can but it all is just not making séance to me. It is like I am reliving algebra and once again flunking it. Just gotta keep reminding myself it will be okay. In the end I find my heart going out to yours, my child who I have to worry about as I now await to hear if this number remains and that your blood is not working as it should and is gonna be a daily beginning for treatment and medications for you. With a table key of 38 to 62 or whatever it was and your number being 38 just at the borderline it’s still a higher risk chance of that you have this disease and I have to become more careful of you not getting injured ad change my life when my life is upside down already With living and health already alone. Now to add this as well with already no time in my day. I just don’t see how I can comprehend being a mother of a child of a blood disease and no extra time to turn around and give. All I can do is give and send out my heart to yours. Knowing behind all negatives somehow we will pull on thru.

 
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Posted by on December 5, 2011 in Love, Poetry, Uncategorized

 

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Info For Breastfeeding and Nursing Moms

To breastfeeding mothers…. I just heard on the radio they have a shortage of mothers milk in the milk banks that there is not enough milk for infants who need mothers milk from a milk bank that not enough mothers are banking their milk and babies who have lost their mother or had to use milk banks after surgery or serious issues to feed there isn’t enough milk out there for them do to the fact that not enough moms are banking.

 
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Posted by on December 5, 2011 in Radio Stuff

 

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New Study About Developing Cancers

I just heard on the radio that a new study showed that we can lower our risk of developing cancer by decreasing the amount of time that we spend sitting. That aperantly the more time we spend being lazy and sitting increases our risk of developing any type of cancer. So if we do not sit so much it will decrease those chances of developing different types of cancers. Somehow it has to do with the way the proteins develop in our bodies changing the genes or something and creating these negative cancer cells or something. I defenatly will be researching into this more cause I don’t remember just exactly how the radio explained into the process.

 
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Posted by on December 5, 2011 in Radio Stuff

 

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Hear My Heart Cry….Just Me

In the silence of the dark you will see no light
In the sound of the night is held silence not any crowds
In the silence you will hear my heart cry
as my heart renders no words and holds much pain

In daylight you will see me sparkle and glow as I shine upon all whomever come along my way
I give and try to make them have a brighter day as I hinder and hide amongst my own deep pain

Leaving all the advice for those I care about and love
And leaving my very own self behind
Some look at me in shame
some look at me in love
Some look at me in fame
For myself I look at me all the same as I just lay here to remain just as I am as I became

In the silence of the dark you will see no light
In the sound of the night is held silence not any crowds
In the silence you will hear my heart cry
as my heart renders no words and holds much pain
But this is all okay for this is how I grew
Into what I became

This is what I learned along my way
What I saw from that which I had needed to see
Heard those things I needed to hear

I became who God had made me to be.
I am who I am and will always be just me.

In the silence of the dark you will see no light
In the sound of the night is held silence not any crowds
In the silence you will hear my heart cry
as my heart renders no words and holds much pain but in the end I am who I am just me.

 
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Posted by on November 30, 2011 in Love, Poetry, Short Stories, Uncategorized

 

The Angel Who Withstand And Outlive Everything

She has a heart filled with joy throughout the year, he hair is long and auburn to shine and shimmer bright in the fall to winter in the seasons of love she weighs out and burdens each day she is staying upon her simple clouds

With each weigh she is given her mission to change someone’s life She does more her share and feels the deep dark secrets and hidden feelings of those she saves tearing new wears and breakage in her so big heart

Even and angel can feel the burdened weight of the one she is to protect and save. She feels as we feel. She is sometimes thrown to tears also.

This angel pushes thru so much good and bad you can see in her wings all the wear and tear she begins to get. With broken wings holding her by faith and her now brittle beautiful hair, and her always mending a wounded breaking heart Along with her own self worth and broken emotion tain smeared face

She still has a will to stay at task force of doing what she has truly been called to do. To still piece herself back together and stay a strong angel of wondering love and still be sent on task again.

Yet she is still as beautiful as ever before but with some short lived wear and tear through over and thru out her hair as well.

She is still a living and faithful angel sent out to stay and remain by your side. She is the is the angel who withstands and out lives everything

 
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Posted by on November 23, 2011 in Love, Poetry, Short Stories, Uncategorized

 

I Have Helped You Stand Upon Your Two Feet Again.

I have given you my heart.
I have turned over all my soul
I have held out my hand to help you stand upon your two feet when you were tumbling day and night in a distorted life.
I have given you love like you well deserve I have been a friend and will remain one until the end.
I have changed your life as you have me.
I have lead you along the golden way and have made things better and brighter for you when you have led yourself astray.
When you were traveling down the wrong path I didn’t run away I was a friend and I stayed
I made you see the things that you could not see.
Giving you all you ever wanted or needed even when I couldn’t even afford.
Together each of reopening our hearts instead of walking away from all hopes and dreams in sight and giving up life all in all
Giving me a chance to change our lives We’ve made friends out of it all and blown sparks throughout the lands some making those sparks burn on strong and fly off some of there very own.
We have come and pulled along so far why ya thinking this now
Pull you head back out of that deep dark muggy hole
Don’t think like that
You know we pulled ourselves away from the negatives of there and began life in the positives turning around our lives of what once were
Don’t fall back in the deep darks of evil and shadows, don’t lead that path again. You and I both know that those paths along will get you nowhere.
Hold out your neck, keep your head high and get those thoughts kicking them right out that door.
You may not walk that path again once more. Rethink these ideas and do what’s right you and I both know you really don’t want tonight to be your last night.
I have given you my heart.
I have turned over all my soul
I have held out my hand to help you stand upon your two feet when you were tumbling day and night in a distorted life.
I have given you love like you well deserve I have been a friend and will remain one until the end.
I have changed your life as you have me.

 
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Posted by on November 22, 2011 in Love, Poetry, Uncategorized

 

The Desolate Child

Sitting by a small window in her room she peers out to see all daylight she can. Trapped in a life that no-one understands. They have not lived through what things she has. Surging break ups good and bad. Loosing just about every friend that she had. Surviving multiple rapes that were not easy and the abuse of a loved boyfriend she has hurried herself in fear hiding behind her many a face. To the loss and death of a child and the birth of three other beautiful babies to give them life.  Unable to drive with a medical history turned into a book with how many issues lye upon her medical plate. She has lived a desolate life with feeling of dismay and worthlessness in her head. Covering her eyes afraid to look back or ahead from fear. Locked within her own mind that the demons will coke after her once more again. Her life at her fingertips yet she can’t even feel it there. This desolate child has wasted away with nothing and no-one to bring her back and take her home. With one breath she gasps to try once more to release all this burden away from her. Feeling alone like no one is there she sits and cries, still sitting by that window to see and take in all that daylight praying she will once become happy merely one last time before she dies. Thinking and questioning will there even be anyone at her death or even her wedding if she were to find the very right man to accept her as she is and take her hand, taking her in. Who does she even know without being able to get outside that very window to really experience reality or even get out to mingle and meet new faces whom she has never seen. This is the desolate soul that she was given to receive as her very own life indeed. It is not something that she had choice of or can change.
This is just her life. The life of which she cries and hides. The life that noone understands truly how it feels inside except the feelings of this desolate child living inside. She is just another lost child with a desolate soul forgotten by everyone outside and within her shut in life. She is the desolate child.

 
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Posted by on November 15, 2011 in Love, Uncategorized

 

I Humble Myself To You

I sit in the midst of you and can’t believe how lucky I am and how I came to have you in my life. I subtlety humble myself into your presence as to not hurt or burden you so that you could be just who you were meant and born to be. Not to change you and keep you just as you are, and how I like you in reality. You are really my dream and all I have ever seen within my life of fantasy. You are the personality and style of just the way that I would want my man to be. Kind hearted, down to earth, mature, and honest with knowledge and soul in heart. You make me stay focused and aware of my environment, surroundings and journey in life bringing out the very best of me. You understand all that I feel and believe and never try to change me or force me to see and feel things differently. You in all words said complete me. I can be who I want to be. With you not afraid to be with me holding my hands and publicly. I see this love and hopes that you have for me. I mean more than anything and anyone to you as you do to me. I would drop my life down to floor to save you from any danger and harm. I would hold out my arm to help pick and raise you up when you fall. I would show you all I could throughout eternity before your time come for us to part when you die. I truly humble myself to you in all that. You are, and all that you mean to me. I humbly smile just as you make me notably happy. This is when I realize that I am truly blessed.

 
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Posted by on November 15, 2011 in Love, Uncategorized

 

Fox Ballet

To frolic like two little children
They France and bounce today
Sly as any other in their sneaky
Slick old way

Prancing about in the big open yard playing as they may
Sitting with style prouncing one another in mystery of each stride

Then running off into nowhere just as quick as they came.
So Galent they wonder through the woods as I had tried to take some photographs to keep near.

Subtle and coy they still frolic running now with joy
uncertain of their travel
Reminicing in the pure beauty
with every gaze

As if to say come play alongside
They run side by side
Biting in play amongst each others smooth soft quilt of fur

They rum along to play and and hunt is follow each others lead as any other day.

As If to dance among the dandelions they run and stray
As if to do fox ballet

With a great gorgeous sleek coat of reed and chestnut brown and a tail that just flaunts itself about in throughout the wilderness and the nature of earth beyond like a grace filled moment in the thicket of the forest in this fox ballet.

 
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Posted by on November 10, 2011 in Love, Uncategorized

 

A Mothers Worst Fear

A day where all seemed to just go way wrong
A mother living out one of her worst fears that her child before her with a more than just home remedy injury
A injury of severity

Having to stay at her side without leaving her at anytime
Not in will but oddest of the doctor that she seen

Not really knowing of she is truly okay
Bitterly biting teeth and clinging to prayer

Continuing to hang in on faith
A mothers worst fear of her child is okay and safe.

 
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Posted by on November 10, 2011 in Love, Uncategorized